Style Invitational Week 1155: Vowel movement — a new wordplay challenge Plus the winning zingers hurled at slobby/prissy/meddling/snotty ‘glassbowls’ By replacing the vowels in “The Godfather” with other ones, you can end up with “The Good Fat Hair” — a coiffure you can’t refuse. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post ) By Pat Myers December 23 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of Week 1151, the snarky rants to various rhymes-with-“glassbowls”) *Drop the vowels from “THE GODFATHER” and get “THGDFTHR.” Add vowels and get “THE GOOD FAT HAIR”: It’s a coiffure you can’t refuse.* *“PSYCHO” → PSCH → “PESACH”: A tale of getting out before it gets too crazy.* This little hard-shelled conga drummer is yours if your vowel play is just a wee bit lacking; it’s the second prize for Week 1155. (Photo by Cheryl Davis) Here’s a brand-new contest idea from Extreme Loser Kevin Dopart, who has never failed to enter a Style Invitational weekly contest since October 2005 — except the week he got to guest-judge as an award for getting 1,000 blots of Invite ink. Kevin’s examples above show you what to do: *Choose a title of a book, movie, play or TV show; drop all the vowels (including Y when it’s used as a vowel); then add your choice of vowels — as many as you like — to create a new work; and describe it. * You may change capitalization and word spacing as you like. For his idea, Kevin wins an ice cream date with the Empress. Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial , the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives yet one more masterpiece of shell shlock: this jaunty souvenir imported for us from Myrtle Beach, S.C., by Loser and Devoted Prize Donor Cheryl Davis. *Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug, the older-model “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our brand-new Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude” or “Falling Jest Short.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Email entries to /losers@washpost.com / or, if you were born in the 19th century, fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Jan. 4; results published Jan. 24 (online Jan. 21). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. Include “Week 1155” in your email subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Gary Crockett; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jesse Frankovich. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. And the results of the Style Invitational contest posted four weeks ago . . . *DARTS OF SNARKNESS: THE WINNING ZINGS AT ‘GLASSBOWLS’* *In Week 1151,* we asked you to let loose a snarky rant to any of 13 types of rhymes-with-“glassbowl,” to improve on those in the book “Dear [A-------]: 101 Tear-Out Letters to the Morons Who Muck Up Your Life.” Holy moly! To judge from most of the entries the Empress received, this challenge turned much of the Greater Loser Community into humorless scolds with gibes as irritating as the miscreants they were tut-tutting. Fortunately, dear readers, only the E had to read those. You get to read these. 4th place: *Dear Glassbowl Who Clips Your Nails at Work:* How thoughtful of you to anticipate your future sainthood and ensure that your co-workers have a sample of your nail clippings as relics of your earthly existence! Can we help with the martyrdom part? (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) 3rd place: *Dear Glassbowl Who Had This Library Book Before Me:* Wow! You tore out the last three pages! I admit it was a little disconcerting to read an entire book and not be able to find out what happened at the end. Just like the other night when your girlfriend and I got to talking and one thing led to ano (Frank Mann, Washington) 2nd place and the “Dear [Glassbowl]” book and “1001 Horrible Facts” : *Dear Constantly Cheery Glassbowl: *It’s true that frowning takes more muscles than smiling. But it’s well worth the extra effort. (Steve Honley, Washington) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: *Dear Glassbowl Who Had This Library Book Before Me: *This novel won the Man Booker Prize. It didn’t need you to give it the Man-Booger Prize. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) Going down spiting: honorable mentions *Dear Glassbowl Who Had This Library Book Before Me:* † Your insightful annotations on “Hamlet” fascinate me, particularly “Ophelia = ho LOL.” When will you publish the official version? (Duncan Stevens) † Your attempts to write smart marginalia Are a failia. (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.) † Books are indeed food for the soul. Even without your lasagna glued between Pages 128 and 129. (Steve Honley) *Dear Glassbowl Who Didn’t Clean Up After the Dog: * † Don’t be surprised if the next time I walk /my/ dog by /your/ house, he has a similar problem. That is, I expect he won’t clean up after his human. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) † I found this on the ground. Since I didn’t have a pen, I figured I’d use some of it to compose this note on the hood of your Audi. P.S. he needs more fiber. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.) *Dear Glassbowl Restaurant Server:* † Thank you for your extra-personalized service — that was a perfect thumbprint you left in the mashed potatoes. (Bird Waring) ** † I didn’t order eggs. If I had ordered eggs, I wouldn’t have ordered them cold. If I had ordered them cold, I wouldn’t have ordered them spilled on my new shirt. If I had ordered them spilled on my new shirt, I wouldn’t have ordered you to laugh at your own clumsiness. And if I had ordered you to laugh at your own clumsiness, I wouldn’t have ordered you take the rest of those eggs and insert them into your, um, pants. And I am ordering you to do that now. (Neal Starkman, Seattle) *† Dear Glassbowl Contagious Restaurant Server:* When I ordered my sandwich au jus, I did not want it dripping from you. (Melissa Balmain) *Dear Glassbowl Always Trying to Fix Me Up:* † When I said I like a man in uniform, I didn’t mean from a work-release program. (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.) † Where do you find these women? They don’t know Scotty from Bones, or Buffy from Willow! I’ll bet you’re doing this because I totally owned you at the Magic: The Gathering tournament with my Force of Will card. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) *Dear Glassbowl at the Concert: * † My, you did a lot of singing tonight! Just how much did you have to pay to hire the folks onstage as your backup singers? (Steve Honley) † The concert, I had thought, would be a treat, To watch this band whose music I hold dear, But only this could I see from my seat: Gyrations of your cellulitic rear. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) † Great show last night! When did you learn to play candy wrapper? (Frank Mann) *Dear Clean Freak Glassbowl: *Did you know that, if you die alone in your apartment, your cat will eat you? (Michael Rolfe, Cape Town, South Africa) *Dear Glassbowl Goody-Two-Shoes:* † All of us at work feel so much for your pain. So we’ve taken up a collection so you can finally have that stick surgically removed. (George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington) † Thank you for informing me that the fork goes on the left and knife and spoon on the right. But I don’t think the maitre d’McDonalds will throw out me and my toddler. (Roy Ashley, Washington) † You really have no memory of what you did at last year’s Christmas party, do you? (Michael Rolfe) *Dear Glassbowl Who Parked Like a Moron:* Thank you soooo much for taking up two spots. At first I was annoyed, but after I parked somewhere else and walked past your car, I noticed that a branch had fallen and dented your roof — that could have been my car! Also, a rock went through your passenger window, a key scratched the driver’s side door, and dog poop showed up on your windshield. So glad you saved me from that! (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.) *Dear Glassbowl Houseguest Who Overstayed Your Welcome:* † It’s no longer a “visit” if you now qualify for in-state tuition. Gather your stuff and make tracks. (Not literally.) (George-Ann Rosenberg) † You’ve been using our bathroom so long, you’ve used up an entire seashell soap — and I saw you take out one of the starfish this morning. FRIENDS DON’T USE THE STARFISH, SHARON!!! (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) *Dear Contagious Glassbowl:* † Here’s my name, address, and phone number. I don’t usually share my personal information, but I want the CDC investigators to be able to find me when they search for anyone who’s had any contact with you recently. (Katherine Stikkers, Poughkeepsie, N.Y.) † Umm, maybe the memo came out before you were hired, but this office doesn’t have a “Bring Your Dengue Fever to Work Day” going on. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.) *Still running — deadline Monday night, Jan. 4: Our parody contest for songs for, to or about animals. See bit.ly/invite1154 . * /No Style Conversational column this week. The Empress will chat a bit in the Style Invitational Devotees Facebook group, and will answer e-mail at pat.myers@washpost.com . Merry Christmas!/